Catching 22s in the Mirror

“Nothing can permeate the ego’s defense system, and your escape is merely to step away and remember love.” – Doreen Virtue (Messages from Your Angels)

I once knew a man named Joe, the soup guy. Now Joe claimed that he didn’t have an ego.

“It just dissolved,” Joe told me one day.

“That’s impossible,” I said to Joe. “Everyone has an ego. It’s not so much that having one is a problem—that’s inescapable; it’s how you choose to focus it.”

Remember we talked last time about how ego is the focusing mechanism. Let’s annoy the atheists for a moment and backtrack to the story of creation: Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve didn’t notice that they were naked until they were tempted by a serpent to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, and Eve, of course, bit into that fat, lusty apple first.

Because I live in Chicktoria, where women compete for and chase men, the notion that Eve fell first isn’t unbelievable. Seriously, where I live a woman could see you out on the town with a man, move in on him afterwards, sleep with him before you do, then suffocate herself in a jealous tirade because he’s still hanging out with you. Then, because she embodies the definition of spiritual bypassing (without even knowing it), she acts like you’re the one who’s giving off bad vibes because you’re not giving in to her unsolicited line of questioning. No, Scorpio darling, everything is not your business. You know the Church of Truth isn’t working when you’re clueless to your own bad behaviour. Good thing everything I need to know is revealed to me.

When we’re talking about The Book of Genesis, there’s Sarah, there’s Rebecca, then there’s Rachel—all, of course, descendants of slutty, conspicuous Eve. Moving on to the real holes in the story.

According to the Kabbalah, Archangel Metatron (said to formerly be the prophet Enoch) is the first angel on the Tree of Life. I’m not sure how this works, but Metatron is also apparently the archangel who wrote out all the Akashic Records of the universe, extending back to the beginning of time and into the far reaches of eternity. Akasha comes from the Sanskrit word meaning “skies” or “ethers,” thus these records of existence are written into the imaginary (to us) ethers. Each of us has a record, and although we are always creating our reality in the now moments, we can rewrite historical records (even from past or concurrent lives), and we can reprogram future records. I think what the latter means is we can make different choices—meaning, we’re not condemned to our past, or present, circumstances. We can choose to think different thoughts.

That said, I think we can get over Adam and Eve now. But wait. We’re not done. Let’s talk about this Tree of Knowledge.

Assuming the Tree of Knowledge represents the Akashic Records, the only rule of paradise was that Adam and Eve were not allowed to access these records. Let’s call that rule what it is: bullshit. Everyone has access to the Akashic Records. Everyone has access to divine wisdom, intelligence and memory.

At best this parable represents awakening the experience of separation, but then that means ego didn’t exist until Adam and Eve ate a fucking apple. And this all happened 6,000 years ago? Well, the jury’s out on that one. We now know that the Earth is approximately 4.5 billion years old, thanks to Clair Patterson. We can’t hate the oil industry for funding that discovery, yet who’s The Man who’s perpetuating the War on Truth?

When we feel “bad,” no matter what we feel bad about, it’s because our physical vessels haven’t caught up with the expansion of our imaginary selves. Abraham calls this process of catching up with our expansion “closing the gap.” Ego, as you’ll recall, is the focusing mechanism. So often these spiritual bypassers will hate someone for being different from them, or for being out of the Vortex.

What follows is an excerpt from Jerry and Esther Hicks’ book on the Teachings of Abraham, The Vortex – Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships:

“In order to help you get a sense of that process of expansion, we [Abraham] have called it your Vibrational Escrow or your Vibrational Reality. It is the furthermost, expanded version of you. … When the Law of Attraction, the universal manager of all Vibrations, responds to the clarity of Vibration offered by your newly expanded Inner Being, the result is a powerful swirling Vortex of attraction. … The Vortex is literally drawing in all things necessary for the completion of every request it contains. All cooperative components are being summoned and are coming for the completion of these creations, for the answering of these questions, for the solutions to these problems.”

Abraham goes on to say, “It is important to understand that you get what you think about, whether you want it or not.”

Contrast, it seems, pervades our reality as unrelentingly as the air we breathe. Falling out of the Vortex—that is, being negatively focused (for the purposes of this discussion)—is one of those inescapable realities of living on planet Earth. What matters isn’t so much that you fall out of the Vortex; it’s how you deal with that bad mood, or that low moment, or that rough day—and get back into the Vortex, thus closing the gap—that counts.

Yet, the spiritual bypassers hate on, and don’t even realize that you can’t hate on anyone inside the Vortex. In my experience, yoga and “spiritual” people run the roost. Superimpose the darkest yin and yang qualities of each of the twelve zodiac signs, and there you’ll find the workings of people who turn. One word: conditional. People who turn are not unconditionally loving, supportive, compassionate and understanding; they are conditional. They need you to change, or drop everything and tend to them, to feel better about falling out of the Vortex themselves. Falling out of the Vortex for extended periods of time, by the way, creates resistance which in turn creates dis-ease, illness and injury—mental imbalances that lead to bodily conditions. And for whatever reason, people who keep up with appearances adore people who turn. They’re almost one in the same, and it’s not common for either to stand up for an Indigo who holds the power to recreate and transform that dysfunctional bond.

Because getting back to where we left off last time, being who you are brushes so closely with being unprofessional. Don’t make friends with your clients (check). Coddle egos (I don’t think so; that’s codependence). Be less of who you are to make others comfortable (go f… I mean, bless yourself). You can’t teach any of those styles at our studio because your teaching style is too much like the owner’s, and the owner doesn’t need any competition (yet, there’s no competition inside the Vortex). You’re not a good yoga teacher unless you give physical adjustments or play music in your classes. You’re a liability if you don’t carry insurance (translation: studio premiums are greatly reduced when studios are too cheap to cover their teachers, yet we’re all being encouraged to physically batter our students and pay more attention to playlists than safety; lest we forget that the insurance industry isn’t yogic). I was once even treated like a criminal by a rec center because I was making $500/month and couldn’t afford a criminal record check. Instead of the rec center paying for the $45 document they required from the commissionaire’s office, the supervisor filed a noncompliance report on me.

Who is it a reflection of that I could go on?