Thumping Beds, Not Bibles, Since 1998

“That’s why I talk about Life. To me it’s more than God. Is God limited to one planet, or are we talking about the God of the entire universe? There are thousands of universes—what are we talking about when we say the word ‘God’?” – Louise Hay

The planet is in peril—there’s no way around accepting that truth—but we don’t want to dwell in that old news. If you’re one of those fortunate humans who can pay your way out of contrast, good for you. Unless you’re altruistic, then, this information may not apply to you. I, personally, do not know how to extricate myself from hell without the help of angels. That’s not the book I’m writing. I’m not qualified to teach that class.

I’ve mentioned on social media that from now on I’m attempting to remove the word “God,” referring to an omnipotent power, from my vocabulary. Although it seems to me that I interact with an inner being, angels, guardian angels, archangels and spirit friends, I don’t personally believe in a punishing man in the sky keeping score of my transgressions like Santa Claus. I’m naughty and nice, but that depends on your definition of naughty.

I’ve also mentioned that I intend to refrain from using the word “heaven,” unless I’m referring to that state of being—heaven on Earth. Somewhere within 2013 and 2014, I began questioning everything I had learned about yoga. In 2015, I began questioning what I had learned about Ayurveda and astrology. And in 2017, I began questioning everything I’d learned about spirit, mystical experiences and angels. I think the one thing I can count on as a Life Path 5 is that my opinions and perspectives are subject to change.

I don’t like what the word “God” means in orthodoxy, and I don’t like what religion (namely Christianity) has done to the people of this world. Growing up Christian qualifies me to speak my mind on the subject. As such, I’ve decided that I can no longer go along with the word “God,” because the word hasn’t bothered me, anymore. “God” is inaccurate to describe what it is describing.

The word “universe” isn’t all-encompassing in existence, but it is omnipresent in our physical reality. I still appreciate this word. For example, the universe loves me. I like how Louise Hay skirted the issue of God by saying “life loves me.” Life, now that word pervades universes and realities.

I grew up Roman Catholic for the first thirteen years of my life. In those thirteen years, my mother placed an angel, not often a star, on our family Christmas tree. I daydreamed too often in church to listen to the boring sermons, so I don’t remember much talk of angels, but there was that television show Touched by An Angel; Los Angeles is called The City of Angels (with a movie named after it); and, even Bill and Ted encountered an angel on their bogus journey.

The list of angels in popular culture could go on. I myself have been studying angels in depth since 2013, with an inadvertent focus on biblical angels for the last year. I don’t consider myself one of those angel people whose so sensitive, though, that I can’t handle a good fuck. Fuck is my mouth’s second favourite word and (with a gerund on top) my donkey’s first favourite activity.

The whole bible episode of our existence can, as far as I’m concerned, suck my mouth’s first favourite string of four letters. The biblical version of reality bastardized angels as much as it bastardized sex. I don’t rule out demonic gods, and I also don’t believe in fallen angels. How could you be both an angel and an asshole? It doesn’t make sense, unless on the higher dimensions, we are those powerful, benevolent archangels—which is why we have instant access to them, and that is what the Pleiadians mean when they talk about multidimensionality.

Archangels are nondenominational, omnipresent, and can assist everyone who calls upon them at once. I like to think in terms of codes, and the codes for several of the archangels I feel comfortable working with are as follows. Please Note: The proceeding exploration is not an exhaustive list of the archangels or their specialties.

Archangel Michael – The great protector angel, Archangel Michael is the code for protection. I think of him as king of the angelic realm, overseeing all of the archangels and angels. On the most practical level, Archangel Michael can be called on for courage, strength and protection. He’ll also help you line up with your divine life purpose, or at the very least, your dharma along your path. Many facets of terror characterize post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and I find that calling in Archangel Michael to burn away the horrors galloping through my mind works wonders to diminish that terrorizing facet. I’m even aware of calling out Archangel Michael’s name during nightmares. He basically lives with me and I see his royal blue lights blinking everywhere.

Archangel Michael has saved my ass more times than I can count or remember, though I feel compelled to share one special moment seared into the forefront of my memory. It was summer 2015, my deathbed year. I lived around the corner from Pluto’s Diner near the intersection where Fort and Cook Streets meet. Yes, streets in Victoria cross streets.

I had just left my apartment to walk to a physio appointment in Cook Street Village. From behind a fence, I could hear an engine squealing but not turning over. I immediately felt sick for the driver of what I discovered moments later to be an old pickup truck, because I knew how I would feel if that were me. Over and again the engine screeched but wouldn’t turn. The truck was behind me at this point as I walked through Pluto’s parking lot, so I asked Archangel Michael if he would help the man start the engine (if the man’s inner being would allow it). A split second later, the engine turned over and roared to life. My head shot back in disbelief while the man sitting in the driver’s seat of the truck looked up at me simultaneously. His jaw hit the dashboard in front of him. “Thanks Archangel Michael,” I whispered under my breath, and smiled back at the man.

Archangel Raphael – The code for healing. These days I call on Archangel Michael the most, and Archangel Raphael second most. This could change as my life continues to improve, though these two powerful archangels work in conjunction in one of the most practical spiritual applications you can learn: cutting cords. Whenever you catch yourself feeling drained or wrought with sharp, unexplainable pain, chances are another being (human or otherwise) is siphoning off energy from you. First, I ask Archangel Michael to cut any cords of dysfunction between me and whoever, then I ask Archangel Raphael to heal any energetic wounds from the cutting. The second step isn’t necessary every time you cut cords, but you’ll likely know when it is.

Archangel Raphael is said to heal with the emerald green ray of white light. Yogi adepts please note here that Anahata chakra emanates green loving, healing energy from the heart. Whenever I’m experiencing a physical health challenge, I thank Archangel Raphael for continuously flushing said body region with his emerald healing light. Healing miracles, though seemingly rare, do exist within the totality of possibilities.

There are two types of prayer to consider when seeking angelic assistance: (1) Prayer of supplication where you ask for help; and, (2) Prayer of affirmation where you affirm, or thank said angel for, the help that follows the moment you think of it.

Example: Thank you, Archangel Raphael, for helping me breathe easy in all ways.

During my formative years, punk kids often poked fun at me for having carny (as in, carnival) hands—because, apparently, I have small hands. “These hands were made for loving,” I would insist, yet somehow I was also told that I was built like a brick shit house.

One day in probably the eighties, my dad watched me hide in the back of his yellow half ton pickup truck, then jump out of the box and chase a boy on our block up the street wielding a blue cattle cane. I remember the boy and the blue cattle cane, but I barely remember chasing the boy up the street.

More recently (in 2017), I found myself visiting with a woman who was squirming in pain. She had two lumps in the right trapezius muscle, where the neck meets the shoulder—one the size of a golf ball and the other the size of a lemon—and she kept reaching her left hand over to rub the area in an attempt to alleviate pain. Eventually I couldn’t stand to watch her suffer a moment longer, so I intuitively rose up from my inertia, grabbed one of her massage tools and attempted to work out the knots with the tool. The attempt was fruitless, so mindlessly (or intuitively), I dropped the tool and began massaging her neck with my own bare hands. I knew to honour the signals of my body I couldn’t overstrain or exert myself to work out the tension for her, so I silently called in Archangel Raphael and his emerald healing ray. Within (not minutes) but moments, the two massive knots dissolved under my fingertips like they had never been there in the first place—with no extraordinary physical efforting from me. My friend, who believes in angels, experienced immediate relief.

Archangel Metatron – I call on this glorious angel every night before I fall asleep to balance my chakras and prepare my body for dreaming and sleep. This mighty archangel could adeptly be considered the angel (or code) of balance, making him the patron angel of yoga. If you want to see traffic part for the ultimate j-walking experience, don’t call on Moses; call on Archangel Metatron. He can also bend time, so you can always make it to appointments, engagements and obligations—on time.

Archangel Uriel – Archangel Uriel is known as the psychologist angel who offers infinite wisdom and insight. I like to think of Archangel Uriel as the angel (or code) of brilliance, and nothing ignites brilliance more than loving sex. Dirty Angel. He sexifies my writing.

Not surprisingly Archangel Uriel is associated with my favourite zodiac sign, Aquarius, who rules the blood and is not so surprisingly balls deep in the feelings. Loving sex… At my best, I’m electric. You know Archangel Uriel is with you when you’re electric.

On a less sexual note, call on Archangel Uriel and his sparkling golden light to release stubborn anger, unforgiveness and resentment from your heart—you know, poison? Archangel Uriel energizes the Vagus nerve, the electrical link between the heart and the mind. He himself could be likened to the heart-mind. Personally, I tend to think that current civilization is forgiveness-retarded (myself included), and if we could all call on angels more often, we could speed up the evolution of, not necessarily technology, but most importantly our collective mental acuity as a species.

Archangel Jophiel – The angel (or code) of beauty! Archangel Jophiel is associated with sparkling pink light, as well as rubellite and pink tourmaline crystals. I embarrassingly had zero art on my walls, save for an eight by eleven photograph of Janis Joplin, when I landed my first arts column back in 2011. Now, however, seven years later (and after calling on Archangel Jophiel to beautify my home and my life), that scenario has dramatically altered.

Of the most practical benefit, negativity cannot exist within the vibration of sparkling pink light. Call on Archangel Jophiel to beautify your vibration, your thoughts, and your mind. I often thank Archangel Jophiel for helping me gain a positive perspective. Archangel Jophiel beautifies insight and is the yin to Archangel Uriel’s yang.

Archangel Raguel – This mighty archangel resolves conflicts and it’s said, we’ll call him a him, that he’s most closely associated with the zodiac sign of Sagittarius. A couple years ago, I found myself in a heated discussion (with a Sagittarius woman whom I adore) that nearly escalated into a fight. As I watched her demeanor shift into savage gear, I instinctively called on Archangel Raguel—angel (or code) of harmony and conflict resolution—to mediate the unintentional rift. The woman softened immediately and instead of quarreling with me, she cracked a joke.

Calling on Archangel Raguel works brilliantly to resolve both innocent misunderstandings and buck energy vampires off your back (temporarily, if you don’t remove them from your life), and, as a result, probably onto someone else’s. I wouldn’t bank on those breadcrumbs of change.

Archangel Gabriel – The angel (or code) of communication. Communication is the cornerstone of relationship, and relationship is the cornerstone of life. Communication, in theory, elicits understanding, though game probably over if you’re dealing with an energy vampire.

Archangel Gabriel doesn’t rule Libra, so there’s no room to mince words here. You want help composing your thoughts into words? You know who to call; Ghostbusters. Kidding. Obviously call upon Archangel Gabriel. The only thing to annunciate here is honesty.

I may not be the poster child of diplomacy, but the only way I know how to communicate honestly without hurting a vampire’s feeling is by not talking to them at all. It’s not fair to ask me to lie to placate you. And trust me, I notice when I’m obligated to censor myself. Also, if you’re tired of manipulating people (through sex or otherwise), call on Archangel Gabriel to direct communication between you and whoever you may be mindlessly or intentionally inclined to seduce. Your audience may accuse you of being guarded, but that’s better than announcing potentially unwelcome feelings. The machine gun only speaks when spoken to.

Archangel Ariel – The code for winning—turning challenges to victories. All these years later, Charlie Sheen is still the poster child of “winning” on Google Images. Jokes aside, winning encompasses nature, the ocean and animals. Humans are and were the divinely appointed guardians. Questions? Yes, ponder them.

In short, it’s blasphemous to discredit the idea of angels once you’ve survived a 180-kilometer, combined-impact, head-on highway collision. I must not totally be off my rocker either if Christian fundamentalists call me dark and demonic. In the spirit of rebellion, I exercise my baser instincts when I want to find God. If, however, I simply wish to connect with the divinity within (which is always)? I slow down. I meditate. I breathe. I read a book. I write. I throw a mat down. I sing. I dance. I frolic in nature. I smoke weed. I eat a delicious, nutritious meal. Indian food is the best. Not even Indian takeout fattens my donkey.

My experiences have shown me time and again that the angels are my teammates and my friends. Perhaps the angelic realm is a gift to us from us. We are, after all, the Original Planners.

If nothing else, thank the Angels of Light for blanketing Earth in pink and white light every night before drifting off to sleep. Otherwise, if it feels good—I am not your psychotherapist; feeling good is good enough for me.